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12 February 2010 @ 11:53 pm
I can't say no. Old Mcdonald. Laguna Mother and Child.  
My morning wasn't exactly fantastic.
I was in distress and totally hating myself for being the most irresponsible person on earth.
I felt soooo deep in ARGH!

I was pretty much blah. inside. the whole day. I still managed to smile for people at least and talk and socialize and whatever it was that life demanded of me. But I was really bummed. tired. I know it may seem drama queen of me when what triggered it wasn't that much of a big deal anyway. But I guess it was one of those days again, where a small thing causes a dark spiral down.

I was walking from Mcdonald's back to my dorm. I saw this homeless old man with his back bent and everything, carrying a plastic cup and holding it towards a car. I stopped for about ten seconds and tried walking again. I couldn't. I don't usually give alms when I pass by homeless people. But there was really something about this particular man. I couldn't even see his face, but I had to turn back. He was walking away from the car already, his head on the ground. I took out P100 from my wallet, dropped it in his cup. He looked up to me and said in such a hoarse and shocked voice "Salamat..." (Thank You). It was the first time I saw his face. He reminded me of Papang, my late grandfather whom I was really close to as a child. His smile was more beautiful than the billion roses I saw in school today in celebration of valentine's. I said nothing. I smiled. That man made me feel so warm. P100 did not match how precious his smile was to me.

I slowly turned, and prayed that he would live the rest of his life less painfully, or at least, have a great meal that night. Street kids were running around me, and I remembered Tricia mknsen08 . She loves kids. And it is her advocacy to have these unfortunate children off the streets. On the other hand, my heart would break at the sight of old people on the streets. They reminded me so much of my Mamang and Papang, my grandparents who I both loved and love dearly. People who see children on the streets often think "Kawawa naman, ang bata pa nila" They're still so young, they don't deserve it. But more often than not, I hear people comment on how disgusting and already rotting old people are on the streets. "They're going to die anytime soon anyway". And you can very much assume how furious I feel about such statements. It scares me a little though. Because there will always be kids, younger than me. Tricia , all her life, could always help kids and feel the same way. But because I am drawn more to helping old people... when I reach that point where in I myself, am old already.... I wonder what would happen. Everyone, make the elderly of your family feel loved. And not just financially or materially. Please.

I already had so many thoughts spinning in my head when less than five minutes later,at a distance fairly far from Mcdonald's, another incident happened.A middle-aged woman and her little boy. The first thing she said was not to fear, because they weren't bad people. But of course, I was still experiencing the after shock of what happened with the old man and so I was very nervous. They were strangers after all. She told me she needed money to get her and son back to Laguna, her province. Of course, I was fairly familiar with this scam. I looked at my wallet again, and saw that I only had P40 left. I gave it to them and walked on. I hit my head with my palm a few seconds later, mumbling to myself why my feet were moving on their own. I headed back. I told them to come with me to my dorm. As we walked, she told her story. Honestly, I didn't understand much, I felt like I didn't understand  the whole situation as to why I was doing such things.  But I went on with it. I went to my room, grabbed the chocolates that sat in our fridge for ages and some crackers. Nicole thistealistoxic already left. I was supposed to ask to exchange for smaller bills to give to the mother and child. I had P3000. I've been saving up for a keyboard. Of course I was hesitant! But my insides felt horrible with me being hesitant. I swallowed it and took out P1000 to give to them. When I handed them the food and money. She cried. And so did the little boy. She said it was too much. And went on on how she would ever repay me. I gave her my name and cellphone no. I told her to try to contact me when they get home safely. She told me her name too. And since I didn't want to forget their faces, I took a picture. I hugged her a couple of times and said goodbye.

My Dad then fetched me, and we headed home. When he asked how I was doing, I answered with a question. "How much does it take to get to Laguna?". He already knew why I asked. And naturally, he explained to me how people pulled off these scams. And he warned me never to give a large amount of money. I didn't get to tell him exactly what happened.

I know those kinds of tears can't be faked. I just know, in my bones. I know. I want to have faith in people. If it turns out they were scammers then okay, let karma do its way. But nonetheless, I felt tons lighter after it happened. If they were merely acting or not. I still felt part of a story.

P.S. It was the loss of my ID that triggered my whole bad mood this morning. The moment I got back. I found it.