Last Saturday morning I flew to my hometown in urgency. I'm truly happy I was able to go, even for just two days.

In both days I saw her. My great grandmother, in the ICU, was still fighting for her life at the age of 105. She could no longer communicate with anybody, and was supposed to die a week earlier. But I believe she waited for my  grandmother ( her eldest daughter) and I to arrive. I used to spend a lot of time with her as a kid, each time I visited once a year, even if my own cousins who lived next door to her never visited her on their own accord.  I'd help with her birthday preparations. During the last decade or so she started giving a bag of rice grains and pancit to nearly the whole village, in thanksgiving for her long life. Sadly, the last three years, she wasn't able to anymore, because her money went to her medicine. Since she lost her sight already, whenever she asked if she was able to give the  village people food, she was merely lied to.

She was an avid player of sungka before, and she played a lot with me and talked a lot. She told me about her past, how it was like back then, how her children were.... how they were now endlessly fighting about matters concerning land, rights, and property. She was saddened. She used to pray during the wee hours of 4-6 am everyday, especially for her children. She wanted peace before she was to go. The last few years with the deterioration of her eyesight, her playing of sungka stopped. With the deterioration of her hearing, she talked less and less. It must have been very lonely, her thoughts though as incomprehensible as they may be, stayed to herself. She had companions all the time, and family members visiting her. But she wasn't aware of that anymore. I knew she wanted to ask or know somehow how her children were. But things always were too complicated to explain to her clearly. She needed a simple "yes, *Everybody's fine with everyone". 


Mama Acion, 

         Even though you couldn't see or hear me, when I touched your arm and forehead, somehow I knew you knew the love. You know my love for you. Thank you for sharing stories with me. Thank you for not shunning me, and loving me the same even though I looked Japanese, and I reminded you of them. Thank you for always saying I was a beautiful one...inside and out. Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for being such a warrior and holding on, continuing to hope that your children would finally make-up. Some time soon, Mama, sometime soon, I hope they will at least have a civilized relationship for your sake. You deserve to truly rest in peace. Mama, from a young age, you taught me so much about the happiness in life. You are my Heroine. Let's play sungka again. And no, unlike before since you were losing your vision, I won't let you get away with cheating anymore! Till we meet again ~ <3 I'm going to also tell you the story of my life. I love you. Consolacion Abejuela. RIP. 

My morning wasn't exactly fantastic.
I was in distress and totally hating myself for being the most irresponsible person on earth.
I felt soooo deep in ARGH!

I was pretty much blah. inside. the whole day. I still managed to smile for people at least and talk and socialize and whatever it was that life demanded of me. But I was really bummed. tired. I know it may seem drama queen of me when what triggered it wasn't that much of a big deal anyway. But I guess it was one of those days again, where a small thing causes a dark spiral down.

I was walking from Mcdonald's back to my dorm. I saw this homeless old man with his back bent and everything, carrying a plastic cup and holding it towards a car. I stopped for about ten seconds and tried walking again. I couldn't. I don't usually give alms when I pass by homeless people. But there was really something about this particular man. I couldn't even see his face, but I had to turn back. He was walking away from the car already, his head on the ground. I took out P100 from my wallet, dropped it in his cup. He looked up to me and said in such a hoarse and shocked voice "Salamat..." (Thank You). It was the first time I saw his face. He reminded me of Papang, my late grandfather whom I was really close to as a child. His smile was more beautiful than the billion roses I saw in school today in celebration of valentine's. I said nothing. I smiled. That man made me feel so warm. P100 did not match how precious his smile was to me.

I slowly turned, and prayed that he would live the rest of his life less painfully, or at least, have a great meal that night. Street kids were running around me, and I remembered Tricia mknsen08 . She loves kids. And it is her advocacy to have these unfortunate children off the streets. On the other hand, my heart would break at the sight of old people on the streets. They reminded me so much of my Mamang and Papang, my grandparents who I both loved and love dearly. People who see children on the streets often think "Kawawa naman, ang bata pa nila" They're still so young, they don't deserve it. But more often than not, I hear people comment on how disgusting and already rotting old people are on the streets. "They're going to die anytime soon anyway". And you can very much assume how furious I feel about such statements. It scares me a little though. Because there will always be kids, younger than me. Tricia , all her life, could always help kids and feel the same way. But because I am drawn more to helping old people... when I reach that point where in I myself, am old already.... I wonder what would happen. Everyone, make the elderly of your family feel loved. And not just financially or materially. Please.

I already had so many thoughts spinning in my head when less than five minutes later,at a distance fairly far from Mcdonald's, another incident happened.A middle-aged woman and her little boy. The first thing she said was not to fear, because they weren't bad people. But of course, I was still experiencing the after shock of what happened with the old man and so I was very nervous. They were strangers after all. She told me she needed money to get her and son back to Laguna, her province. Of course, I was fairly familiar with this scam. I looked at my wallet again, and saw that I only had P40 left. I gave it to them and walked on. I hit my head with my palm a few seconds later, mumbling to myself why my feet were moving on their own. I headed back. I told them to come with me to my dorm. As we walked, she told her story. Honestly, I didn't understand much, I felt like I didn't understand  the whole situation as to why I was doing such things.  But I went on with it. I went to my room, grabbed the chocolates that sat in our fridge for ages and some crackers. Nicole thistealistoxic already left. I was supposed to ask to exchange for smaller bills to give to the mother and child. I had P3000. I've been saving up for a keyboard. Of course I was hesitant! But my insides felt horrible with me being hesitant. I swallowed it and took out P1000 to give to them. When I handed them the food and money. She cried. And so did the little boy. She said it was too much. And went on on how she would ever repay me. I gave her my name and cellphone no. I told her to try to contact me when they get home safely. She told me her name too. And since I didn't want to forget their faces, I took a picture. I hugged her a couple of times and said goodbye.

My Dad then fetched me, and we headed home. When he asked how I was doing, I answered with a question. "How much does it take to get to Laguna?". He already knew why I asked. And naturally, he explained to me how people pulled off these scams. And he warned me never to give a large amount of money. I didn't get to tell him exactly what happened.

I know those kinds of tears can't be faked. I just know, in my bones. I know. I want to have faith in people. If it turns out they were scammers then okay, let karma do its way. But nonetheless, I felt tons lighter after it happened. If they were merely acting or not. I still felt part of a story.

P.S. It was the loss of my ID that triggered my whole bad mood this morning. The moment I got back. I found it.

    Dad took us again to Charlie's ! ( awesome noodle place, why the name? no idea) :D I had such a fulfilling Beef Hofan of a time.
Minutes later in the car, though not verbally displaying so, I had one of the most energetic rant tornadoes I haven't had in a while.

And oh, surprise surprise. It was doctor-related. ( I know, I should think of a better term for it, and no, I'm not really feeling "medicine"-related either).

Here's why : Mom is currently in charge of a medical mission to be done in a rural Aeta community in Pampanga. By medical mission I mean taking in the local indigenous people and giving them free check-ups and medicines that they would not otherwise be able to afford. As it is an event organized by the HSPA ( high school parent's association) of our school, mom has almost always been involved. This is her first time spear-heading this difficult and still new project though. Unfortunately, after calling around 40+ parents who were doctors from the high school community, only three were willing. THREE.3. 3! (and dammit why do I have to be reminded of that stupid Britney song?!) Why? The past medical missions had been successful with around a dozen. The difference? During the past medical missions, the doctors were payed. And since now, it being a purely charitable thing, the numbers nose-dived. Nearly everyone said that they had clinic hours during that time and etc. Of course they wouldn't trade the money-making ours for something they wouldn't earn a cent for. What else were those years of studying and enduring in med school were for? :/

      I felt like vomiting up my precious Beef Hofan Noodles Galore. All the more did I feel very very infuriated. Since Dad worked in a medical drug company, Mom asked him for help, if he could ask the doctors he knew. He even said so himself " Ano ka ba. Bakit wala kang budget diyan? bihira na ang doktor ngayon na magkawang-gawa" ( Come on, How come you don't have a budget for that? It's rare to find doctors nowadays that would have such a heart). I could not agree more. Especially in the Philippines, where doctors resort to becoming nurses just so they could work abroad and earn more. With doctors who's target places to work in would be the high-class hospitals where high-class people get admitted in.

       Before I continue on, don't get me wrong. Being a doctor for me, is and will always be, one of the most respectable occupations out there. But honestly, I fear that it's image for me is getting closer and closer to politics. What happens when a good-hearted aspiring politician who has nothing but good intentions, win ? No doubt, when that person is in that job long enough, he/she will get corrupted. Naturally, the pressure's everywhere. Family pressure at first, and then self-indulgence. How is closely the same with doctors? Let me tell you about my uncle. He was a brilliant graduate. He started out charging as little as possible to his patience. He soon had a family. Gradually, he of course, had to charge more and more. There was seemingly no harm. He was doing it for his family. There's nothing wrong with that is there? Of course he had to. Eventually, the families that could no longer afford his fee had to transfer to other doctors. They no longer had the privilege of his brilliance. Or should I say, only the rich had. Or should I say, they did not have as much as equal right of getting the best of the best for their health as much as the rich. My uncle is not the only one. Again, much like how being a politician entails, doctors aren't as glamorous or as heroic.

         As much as I could go on forever about this,  I want to share with you guys one last story. I was sharing my thoughts on becoming a psychologist to someone very dear to my heart. Let's call the person Froggy Man. Froggy Man told me this. "I don't get psychologists. If you want to help people, why would you charge them?" If I could, I would've slapped that reply, not the guy. Oh. So I guess the same does not go with doctors? If a person became a doctor for the pure reason of wanting to help lives, why charge them? No. It's not even that. Why charge them that much? Because you graduated from so and so? Because all you're life you worked hard to earn that so and so degree? Because you're a so and so expert? Oh sure. Give me all the arguments that clearly, curing the physical part of a person is more important and difficult than the mental and emotional part.

          My story on me and psychology is yea, that, another story. 

You want to be a doctor? I won't hate you. I won't hate your ambition either. I just hope you keep what I've shared in mind...somehow.
Don't give me hope for good doctors. Prove it. Define the good in both the skill and heart. Give everyone hope. In that I will support you.

FO banners by okimiyage murii


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The subject title?  Nope. I haven't become a sudden fan of the band or anything.
I was just thinking of going with this lyrics-for-subject-title trend.

Gah.
I really haven't posted much about what really has been happening with my life huh.
LOL.

On the upside of things, well, that just means I really do have an actual life I guess. I mean, it's not even just because I'm busy with schoolwork. I've actually reached the point of getting SO stressed, so up and down with everything,  that I can't even write about it anymore.
Because I don't want to even look back and read the words I've thought at that time.

(and clearly, me being able to post now just means that I have actually time and the will to do so :)) )

Okay. Of course there were a lot of good memories. Maybe after I write down this post about how my sembreak is going I'll really go all out on just blabbing and going on and on about the new college buds, the new college life and so forth.

So ~ ! Of course everyone knows that due to Ondoy-san a chunk of school days got cancelled - and so we had to make up for that by cutting down days alloted for sembreak. boo hoo. Speaking of Ondoy-san ( yes, I feel like addressing a killer supertyphoon in that manner) , it also left quite a damage in my own house too. While I was stranded in a blockmate's place in Katipunan,the first floor of our house was getting pawned. real bad. I'm talking the water level reaching the keys of a baby grand piano bad. And not just any baby grand piano -- MY BABY GRAND PIANO. </3 I remember actually calling it Ueda at some point too. But fortunately, after moping during the first week, mother sent it to get repaired. But. *gulp* It would probably cause around 35 - 70 grand. Boo ): Mainly because the brand was fairly high class, and so the parts itself were fairly expensive and all. Oh how I really do miss it. ): But I'll save that for another post. ( I know right, that whole chunk of a paragraph right there's just the summary, I could seriously go on and on about losing that piano and all ) :))

Okay. I should really started talking about the freakin topic I planned to.
SEMBREAK 8D <3 Start : Oct. 17 End : Nov. 9

Oct, 17-18 - Just the geek routine for the first weekend. And by that I mean eat, sleep, breathe, talk and FANDOM (X3)
Oct. 19-21 - I kept going back and forth to Uni because of hold orders and unfinished business I had to take care of before the sem ended. I had to do community service too cause of losing my ID :/ and err. my new ID is just lol. It looks like it could be used in a horror movie. not kidding. the ink got smeared ( in the printing process I guess ?) in the freakiest way ever.
Oct.22-24 - First time in months that I was able to go all out on sloth lifestyle 8D. I was rolling around in bed the whole day. Yay. I hung out withTricia mknsen08 and got to meet her blockmates. They tried rockband for the first time :)) . ILU TRICIA.
Oct. 25 - Mom went to an outreach activity my former school organized. So it was just Dad and my sister and I who went to visit my grandmother in Cavite. Oh how I love her noodles ♥
Oct. 26 - Oct 28 - Awesome, Fantasmic Sleepover at Nikki's  thistealistoxic place 8D. I got to meet her adorable puppy named Koki (pronounced as cookie). It was mighty refreshing playing with a different puppy. I really missed sleepovers.
Long ass conversations (Friends, Family, School, Future)
Crazy ass philosophical conversations coupled with a long walk ( Dimensions, Auras, Universe, Earth's core).
Laughing together watching crack (Dane Cook <3 ).
Messing with people through Omegle ( FINLAND IS BEST! , Azusa?!, Tranny Whale?!)
Flailing together watching some dramas ( lol Hina and Aiba in My Girl, Ohyass in Romes)) and etc. :D
Eating *0* ( Siopao, Sashimi Partay, Tamago by Nikki, Imported Bacon, Soy Milk)
Although we were a lot more chill this time I guess? like. when we weren't doing anything at all, I didn't really feel bored either. In fact, I was just worried I might have been boring her already which was the only reason why I tried coming up with things for us to do or talk about. lol. Doing nothing felt really good too. I was like, completely fine just absorbing her presence. haha. freaky much. But yea. Her being physically near was very soothing.♥
Oct. 29 - Not much. the usual
Oct. 30-Nov. 1 - Awesome stay at Orchard Golf and Country club with Natasha ( sister's best friend) and her family. The first day wasn't much, got a massage, ate great dinner at the resthouse, watched "Freddy got Fingered" O_o. IKR. WTF. The second day was much more eventful. I played billiards, table tennis, darts and bowling. *0* The funny thing while we were playing bowling was that I used "Aiba" as my name. And I don't know. True enough during my last three turns "Miracle Boy" took effect and viola , three strikes in a row =)) . I really like sports that don't require speed. lol.
Nov. 1 afternoon I went to the cemetery with relatives in Dad side. It was pretty fun listening to stories about the Japanese side of my family I never knew *0* . like LOL I hadn't noticed, but my Grandma's first name was Yasuko. As in. Yasuko to Kenji. lol  .......... *head desk* . That night too we had a spontaneous cinematic adventure and saw Astroboy. 8D. It was really cute, except for the last 8 seconds which was just WTF. So steven spielberg. Not that I have anything against the guy.
Nov. 2 - Watched "THIS IS IT" with my parents. Ate at yellowcab before we went in. oh wow their new pasta's really good. 8D.
Oh. and on-the-spot Dana joined me in watching too. :D Yay Dana :D

Nov. 3 HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY ARASHI MY LOVES 8D

So that's how my sembreak's going so far. :) I hope I can still go to Wensha Spa as a finale or something. XD

Love & Peace ~ ! 

Yay Panda ~ ! ♥  ! 

The time has actually come .... oh the pain of parting D:

Unless otherwise indicated with a " * " all NewS CDs and Albums have been kept in their original plastics,inside bubble wraps
and are in excellent condition.

ALL ARE LIMITED EDITIONS

NewS Singles

Weeeek - Php 550 *
Taiyou no Namida - Php 600
Summer Time - Php 700
Happy Birthday - Php 700

NewS Albums
Pacific - Php 1200
Color - Php 1 600

Pictures of these can be taken upon request
All prices are negotiable. Trade is also welcome. Discounts may be given if you buy more than one.
Further explanation shall be given for the trade thing if you're interested :)

email me at raite_konzen@yahoo.com or leave a comment please.
Payment Methods would be through BPI bank deposit
Delivery Methods could be through meet-ups (although this is very limited) and shipping via your choice of service (not free)

I'm really tired.

Check out the 16-year-old big female bawling, throwing tantrums and finally crying it out since she never had the chance to over the past years .

because of what ?

Oh nothing. Nothing big. Just school. Just my grades. Just my stupidity. Just my being most-likely-not-in-honor's-list-anymore.
Just my future college. Just my future not-chosen-by-me course. Just my future not-liked-by-me job.

Just my future period.

Just my utter failure in life.

Yea. Totally nothing big.

First off, if you know nothing about JE, sadly you wouldn't find an intro here or whatever. Although I have been planning to create a pimp post of some sort about it. I suggest you google it or you just read on and you'll eventually get it anyway. ^___^

Alrighty ! Here we go with probably the most must-read post next to my "About Me" posts of course. XD

1st JE Anniversary and JE History  (F-locked)

JE Tastes/Preferances

This would probably be better explained with the JE ranking that I did to be found right after this yea. Please take note though that my JE rank is exactly that. MINE. I seriously stress that the ranking is according to my taste and preferance.

I did this ranking not for the purpose of putting down other JE boys. I did this primarily for fun and primarily because it gets tiring having to answer questions like "Who's your favorite singer? Who do you think acts better, Nino or Jun ? etc.etc."I link this to you, you find something interesting and ask me about it. We then talk about it. Then we'd both be dandy and I didn't have to think again of answers.By now I hope you pretty much get the point. ^____^ I did cheat in some places though, placing two people in one rank. haha. sorry. I really couldn't decide. But mostly there's not much difference between ranks.

Top 10 Girliest/Cutest faces is confusing yea but I didn't want to separate it into to different ranks. All ranks are subjected to change of course.
Latest Update : 04/30/09
( JE RANKS )

Jdrama History
Well JE has certainly a LOT to do with it obviously. haha. I primarily started watching jdrama because of the JE actors who starred in it. Eventually, I also watched anime turned Jdrama series. Then, as I saw more and more series/movies ,I started having favorite actors and actresses. I've reached the point where in I watch other jdramas even if there are no JE boys who star in it. First Jdrama I've literallyseen with a JE boy starring in it would be Hana Yori Dango, but check my JE history about that. First Jdrama I watched because I knew there were JE boys in it would be Gokusen. First Jdrama Movie I watched ever was Lovely Complex. First Jdrama series I watched although there were no JE boys in it was Nodame Cantabile.

TOP 10 Favorite Jdrama [as of 05/10/11]

1) Nodame Cantabile

2) Voice

3) Proposal Daisakusen

4) Kimi Wa Petto

5) Hana Yori Dango

6) Ryuseii no Kizuna

7) Sapuri

8) Hana Kimi

9) Last Friends

10) Unobore Deka

( THE JDRAMA LIST )

TOP FAVORITE  [as of 04/30/09 ]

Actresses	Actors
1) Ueno Juri	1) Miura Haruma
2) Toda Erika	2) Mizushima Hiro
3) Horikita Maki	3) Eita
4) Aragaki Yui	4) Hiroki Narimiya
5) Kuroki Meisa	5) Mukai Osamu

Director	ScreenWriter	Composer
1)Narita Takeshi	1)Kaneko Shigeki	1)Kono Shin
2)Iishi Yasuharu	2)Omoro Mika	2)Kanno Yugo
3)Kato Arata	3)Kaneko Arisa	3)Yoshikawa Kei
4)Undecided	4)Undecided	4)Yamashita Kouseke
5)Undecided	5)Undecided	5)Sawano Hiroyuki

( And for the sake of those who aren't really into finding out the people behind the dramas I decided to include some of their works here in this list :D )

Anime History ~ 
The first Anime series that I've ever seen were Magic Knight Rayearth, Yu yu Hakusho , Pokemon , Digimon etc. from early childhood.If you're from the Philippines you'd understand this since these were the animes ABS-CBN and Cartoon Network would show. It wasn't until I reached the 5th grade though that I really became a hardcore fan thanks to the birth of Animax ( anime channel) in our local cable. It was from then on that I've watched and became a fan of seriously a ton of animes. ^_^ 

Anime Taste/Preferance ~ 
I love almost all type of anime but the one kind of anime that I have minimal interest in would be Mecha Anime. Although Candidate for Goddess is an exception to this for some reason. Appleseed is also the number one anime that I loved even though it contained Mecha.As long as the story is good, and not really that much focused on mecha, I'd like it. Well , I can't really explain my taste that thoroughly or specifically, but I think you'd get some idea based on the top animes that I absolutely love.

TOP 10 Favorite Anime [as of 11/14/08]

1) Gensomaden Saiyuki

2) Get Backers

3) NaNa

4) Saber Marionette J

5) Shaman King

6) Appleseed Movie

7) Ouran High School Club

8) The Vision of Escaflowne

9) Clamp School

10) Other Clamp Productions ex. Ultra Maniac , Tsubasa Chronicles etc.

( List of Anime Series and Movies I've seen  )

TOTAL = 104